June 2, 1999 - Redneck Jedi

You know you’re a redneck Jedi if…

• You ever heard the phrase, “May the force be with y’all.”
• Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
• You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill.
• At least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored.
• You have bantha horns on the front of your land speeder.
• You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
• You have ever had an X-Wing up on blocks in your yard.
• The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
• Wookies are offended by your B.O.
• You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn’t have to wait for a commercial.
• You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.
• Your father has ever said to you, “Shoot, son come on over to the dark side… it’ll be a hoot.”
• You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.
• You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land speeder.
• You think Han Solo would look better in a flannel cause he looks a little sissy in that vest.
• You ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
• You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
• Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
• You ever fell in love with your sister.
• You have ever accidentally referred to Darth Vader’s evil empire as “them damn Yankees.”
• You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
• You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with a red wood deck.
• You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels on the rocks during the cantina scene.
• In your opinion, that Darth Vader fellow “just ain’t right.”